Thursday, November 24, 2011

HAPPY TURKEY GENOCIDE DAY! Now read this sh*t!

Gobblegobblef*ckin'gobble. Hello my dear readers. So, it's been some time, and I know you've missed me dearly. D'awwwww! <3 Alas, I didn't miss you.... KIDDING! I totally did! (maybe). Anyway, before you curse me any further... on to the blog! : D

So I was looking through Google Image Search (a fun pastime for many, many bored individuals), for a Thanksgiving graphic, and I came across some pretty weird stuff. (And that was with the safety search ON, thankfully.) I decided that I should do a little WTF Salute to Thanksgiving (or known affectionately to me as Turkey Genocide Day. :D)

First up on was this rather odd, yet very festive Turkey costume. It was actually on HOW-TO page for homemade costumes. Hmm.. okay so, I guess I can see that there's occasions where one might dress as a turkey. There's always that kid that has to dress up like the turkey for the holiday play. I guess what's more so disturbing to me is that he's not really dressed AS a turkey...but rather IN a turkey.

If that wasn't odd enough, then I came across a Victorian type, old-timey Thanksgiving graphic of a child's face in the mouth of a turkey.. however this one looked like an ACTUAL turkey..and not just a goofy-ass costume. One thing...WHY?! I mean, the costume, okay, kids play, pagent, parade, etc... but... nevermind. There's no explaining this one. Hmm.....This human-stuffed turkey deal weirded me out just a little. >_>

Following the human-stuffed turkeys was this really weird hat... its a turkey hat, as you can see.. or more of a turkey headress, maybe? Yeah, whatever you want to call it, it's just atrocious. I'm not really sure WHY anyone would ever wear a hat like this while sober, but this lady looks pretty happy to be doing so. I dunno... call me weird, but like...the idea of having a turkey on my head as a fashion statement doesn't sound like the way to go. I've heard of being festive, but this borders on looney tunes. I know I know to each their own..blahblahblah. I still think it looks weird and its FUGLY. :3

So one last thing for this holiday-themed blog entry... an oldie but goodie picture passed from email to email, posted to countless Facebook walls, and forwarded again and again to cell phones everywhere.... the classic WTF Sesame Street Thanksgiving picture. If you haven't seen it before, I'm not sure where you've been (not on this planet maybe?). But for those of you that have, you can laugh, shake your head, roll your eyes, and/or smirk at viewing it once again. Oh Big should have known better than to follow Gordon in the back of Mr. Hooper's store while he was holding a meat cleaver.. And two things about this picture....
1. Bert looks super excited.. he was always all about pigeons...and I'm gathering it was because he likes to EAT them. In that case, he's been eyeing the big yellow guy for some time thinking 'MAN... I so gotta eat that bird!'  and then
2. Why is it that Oscar seems to be the only one that 's a big disturbed by their giant yellow feathered friend is being served up for a holiday meal? He's like Wow...really? That won't stop him from eating it.. but well you know, at least he was like WTF dude..? Anyway, all in all, it's Muppet Cannibalism at it's best. :]

And now I close and provide you with a grand Thanksgiving tribute that exemplifies the true spirit of Thankgiving, as delivered by The Addams family. :) Eat up, mofos!

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

So like...yeah...More... Stuff....and Junk. Yeah. >_>

Hello fellow WTF-ers! ...wait... that sounds awkward...should I delete it? Nah. Why? Cuz it's funny. Anyway, so yeah, another edition coming you way. Are you excited?! Do you feel so excited you might pee yourself?! Well you should dammit! Cuz this is funny shit! But please... refrain from peeing on the carpet.. I just had it cleaned. ... What? Hell if I know! Anyway, read dammit. (Oh and note- links are provided to larger versions of the pictures, for your viewing pleasure. :3)

Tap that Sass!
First up is a lovely pair of items that every home needs...or not. Old people bobbleheads... Hmmm. And not only are they old people bobbleheads....but one is displayed on the crapper, and the other is... a... seductive..old ...lady... wuhhhh? Okay, yeah... kinda creepy, but way funny. Tap that Sass? The HELL?! Haha wow.. I have to thank my BFF for sending this my way. I was like 'that's so going in my blog' and she was like 'That's why I sent it to you.' See? That's why we're BFFs..because we have a sick sense of humor and BFF ESP. Totally. But yeah... I don't know who would want to 'Tap that Sass', but I don't want to meet the person that does.  >_>

Next is a great example of the 'quick and easy' ideology that exists in American culture, combined with the ridiculous things people will do in homage to their favorite stars...and both come in the form of temporary tattoos. The first notion was brought on by, yet another, dollar store find. Temporary Jewelry Tattoos... yeah. As if the world doesn't have enough trashy in it... bring on the the stick-on necklaces! Wow. So, I'm kinda banking on the fact that most people would say 'NO' to this, know that there are people out there that are totally walking around with this shit on, thinking it looks good. And that brings me to the other example... Celebrity tattoos. Now these were a freebie on a teeny-bopper magazine, so it's not completely odd...but still weird. So.. yeah.. apparently it's totally cool to pre-teens to have a dozen depictions of Bieber's head pasted onto your body. Really? And not just Bieber...throw in some Gaga, a little Twilight..some Willow Smith... wait what? Will Smith's daughter? Okay.. I'm done.

Next is a dish that kinda threw me for a loop. Now okay.. I know it's not actually referring to prostitutes, but...when something has 'hooker' in the title, that's the first thing most people will think of. Yeah, sure, it was name after someone with the last name 'Hooker', but really....Hooker's Picnic Macaroni Salad? Call me silly, but I'd rather not ingest something that's got 'hooker' in the title, especially if it includes a creamy white substance...

Finally, we have a duo of items that are sure to make your
wine drinking experience fantastically complete. First, make sure you have your wine glass cozy. Yes.. I said wine glass cozy. This is what I like to call 'classy trashy'. And they even have funny little quips to give you a chuckle as your sipping on your top grade wine! Oh... how clever they are. And the name is just great... Woozie Wine Koozies. Whaaat? That's just lulz. 

And then something we all need is a proper apparatus for opening said wine bottles (though if you're using a wine cozy, you might have chosen the screw cap or wine-in-a-box varieties). And what better...than a wine bottle opener that has a little boy as the handle, and the corkscrew being his.... Whoa! The hell, man?! This is like some weird-ass ancient Greece, pedo-bear shit! A friend sent me this one via text and I, literally, said What the...?! Man...brings a whole new meaning to the term corkscrew. Double Lulz...

So there we have it folks...another edition come and gone. Hopefully you got some laughs, and decide that it's worthy of passing on to your friends and loved ones. Even if you didn't get any laughs, I did, so it was totally worth it. Yeah...that's right! I don't NEED you! D:< Pssht...  Just messin'. Well, sorta. Anyway, my friends, I must depart for now. Until next time, wait patiently, on baited breath for my return. ; D

Time for secret ninja stuff. 

Friday, June 3, 2011

WTF: San Francisco Edition. And you KNOW THIS, man!

Hello my adoring public...I have decided to once again return and grace you with my presence.What...what did you just say to me? Don't you give me that look! I'll turn this blog right around,mister/miss/whatever! I won't put up with such insolence! I'll...I'll...Ah foog it...just read.

So about a week ago, my BFF and I took a day trip to San Francisco. She was up from L.A. and we wanted to make the most of it. It's only a couple hours away from our hometown, so we took a ride over to The City. As always, The City provided a vast array of picture opportunities, but of course, some provided more of a WTF vibe than others. Being that I came across a number of these, I decided that it was time for WTF blog: San Francisco Edition. We spent most of our time on Haight, and now my story of our adventure begins... (Note: The first word of each paragraph links to a full size version of that picture.)

First up was a random picture I saw when looking in a store window. It's not horribly abnormal or strange, but well... it kind of caught me off guard. You see, normally, I'm quite the fan of pandas, especially the cartoony variety. But this guy...he kinda scared me. He looks all spun out and ravenous. And those teeth... They eat bamboo! They're not supposed to have jagged-ass, scary shark teeth! It's just wrong, man.

Next on the list was a sign I spied at the Ben & Jerry's at the Haight-Ashbury corner. When I first saw it, I chuckled because it kinda of looked like they were saying 'Handicapped and babies GET OUT!' I had to take a picture
because even the very idea that there would be such a sign that might suggest such a thing made me laugh. Of course, it was actually a sign signifying that there was another entrance to the store on the other side that were handicap and stroller accessible. Then again, they put that in itttty bitty print that you had to walk straight up to the sign to even barely read. So, I'm kind of thinking that there was just a small margin of hope that people would think it meant GTFO ROLLIES! If it was, that would be pretty jacked up. But someone might, y'know? Just sayin'.

Third on the ticket was something that made me giggle a little. These colorful little pops are quintessential San Francisco. Bright, shiny, and full of counter-culture reference. It's not the pops themselves that made me WTF.. it was the little informatory statement in parenthesis that made me laugh. "NO, NOT LSD!" What's funny is, you know a bunch of people had to of asked if they were LSD pops in order for them to even bother putting that on there. Yeah... cuz they totally sell hardcore hallucinogens in gifts shops. Then again.. it is San Francisco, and we were on Haight.

And last but certainly not list is Mr. San Francisco himself... old ass hippie man dressed from head to toe in tye-dye.
This was just too fantastic to pass up. We had stopped at a Mc D's for something to drink, and this guy was a fellow patron. That was right along side the spun-out punker that asked me to buy him a hamburger. And then there was the fabulicious, gender ambiguous being that was dressed like the bastard child of the Let's Get Physical (Olivia Newton John) and Bad (Michael Jackson) videos. Man...he was fantabulocity defined. I saw sad I couldn't get his picture. But Old-ass Hippieman will certainly do.

So, it was a good day, and we had some fun. Thanks again BFF for the much needed day out, and the great opportunity for blog material. Oh, and that knobby-kneed drag queen in Union Square... I hope we see her again so we can tell her how lovely she is. Anyway kiddos, I'm f*ckin' out. Totally time for secret ninja stuff.

Wait wait... I had to share one last thing... I took a picture of the Haight-Ashbury sign for kicks, but got this girl's face in the picture. It totally looks all weird and creepy. She looks a lil...special. Anyway, I have to share, cuz I was like WTF is up with HER?

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Honey, I'm hoooooooooooome!

So....I'm back. It's been awhile... like... 7 month long while. You totally missed me, didn't you? It's okay to admit it...I can see the tears of joy welling in your eyes upon seeing that I have returned. What? You missed the blog and not me? Pssht- bleep you mothableeper! Kidding! Well..maybe... anyway, just read the stinkin' blog. -__-

So first up is a lovely little hair product that just screams BUY ME! But did I? No... Why? Because it's called Moco de Gorilla...properly translated.. Gorilla Snot. Okay so I've seen/heard of shampoo made with horse placenta...soap made from donkey's milk... and there are a variety of products that use various animal parts/excretions. But none made me go 'ewww' like this one. Granted, it's not really made from the snot of a the very notion makes me a little queasy. I like...the point of the name is that it promotes that it's so tough and works so well that it's just like gorilla snot? First of all, I don't want to know how they know just how well gorilla snot works as hair gel, and secondly, I'm just not sold. My question still is...WHYYYY? Anyway...Moving on...

This is a great example of what kind of example modern society's usage of technology sets for the youth of today. It's like they were just waiting for me to find this so I could post it here.
Seriously... Babie with webcam in her boobs? Well that's just fantastic. For just under 50 dollars, little girls everywhere can learn how to be a cam whore, and have fun with it too! But well, to be fair they did put a 6+ age suggestion. We don't want them starting in kindergarten, after all. I mean, really... 6 is totally the right age to start camming it up online. I still snicker every time i see this picture solely because the camera is in her boobs and there's a huge arrow pointing at it. This is like one of those joke products from a commercial skit on SNL. Kinda sad, but totally lulz.


And last but not certainly least, the pièce de résistance for this entry... I was walking out of CVS one evening, and caught a glimpse of this bike sitting in the bike rack. The owner was no where to be found, so I took the opportunity to snap a picture of this lovely display of human behavior.

The owner of the bike decided that the water bottle holder on his bike was perfect for a 32 oz bottle of Heineken. Oh, but wait! Why waste space?! There's a baby seat too... BAM..a place for two more bottles of beer. Classic. I laughed a whole lot at this, and sent it to a few people. My favorite response was 'Wow. Daddy AND baby really know how to party." I only hope that the baby wasn't actually with him and made to hold the beer bottles during the ride home. Gotta love American culture!

So, for now, my lovelies, I must depart. But fear not, for I shall return soon. I know, I're thinking 'you said that before!' Well... technically, I did come back...just not for a long time. However, I do intend to post again soon. When? I won't tell you that, me being a ninja and all. Never know when I'll strike! *fierceness* So be patient, and try not to cry too much. And if you don't like my non-committal answer, tough! ;D

For now, I'm out. Time for secret ninja stuff.

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