So like...yeah...More... Stuff....and Junk. Yeah. >_>

Hello fellow WTF-ers! ...wait... that sounds awkward...should I delete it? Nah. Why? Cuz it's funny. Anyway, so yeah, another edition coming you way. Are you excited?! Do you feel so excited you might pee yourself?! Well you should dammit! Cuz this is funny shit! But please... refrain from peeing on the carpet.. I just had it cleaned. ... What? Hell if I know! Anyway, read dammit. (Oh and note- links are provided to larger versions of the pictures, for your viewing pleasure. :3)

Tap that Sass!

First up is a lovely pair of items that every home needs...or not. Old people bobbleheads... Hmmm. And not only are they old people bobbleheads....but one is displayed on the crapper, and the other is... a... seductive..old ...lady... wuhhhh? Okay, yeah... kinda creepy, but way funny. Tap that Sass? The HELL?! Haha wow.. I have to thank my BFF for sending this my way. I was like 'that's so going in my blog' and she was like 'That's why I sent it to you.' See? That's why we're BFFs..because we have a sick sense of humor and BFF ESP. Totally. But yeah... I don't know who would want to 'Tap that Sass', but I don't want to meet the person that does.  >_>

Next is a great example of the 'quick and easy' ideology that exists in American culture, combined with the ridiculous things people will do in homage to their favorite stars...and both come in the form of temporary tattoos. The first notion was brought on by, yet another, dollar store find. Temporary Jewelry Tattoos... yeah. As if the world doesn't have enough trashy in it... bring on the the stick-on necklaces! Wow. So, I'm kinda banking on the fact that most people would say 'NO' to this, but...you know that there are people out there that are totally walking around with this shit on, thinking it looks good. And that brings me to the other example... Celebrity tattoos. Now these were a freebie on a teeny-bopper magazine, so it's not completely odd...but still weird. So.. yeah.. apparently it's totally cool to pre-teens to have a dozen depictions of Bieber's head pasted onto your body. Really? And not just Bieber...throw in some Gaga, a little Twilight..some Willow Smith... wait what? Will Smith's daughter? Okay.. I'm done.

Next is a dish that kinda threw me for a loop. Now okay.. I know it's not actually referring to prostitutes, but...when something has 'hooker' in the title, that's the first thing most people will think of. Yeah, sure, it was name after someone with the last name 'Hooker', but really....Hooker's Picnic Macaroni Salad? Call me silly, but I'd rather not ingest something that's got 'hooker' in the title, especially if it includes a creamy white substance...

    

Finally, we have a duo of items that are sure to make your

wine drinking experience fantastically complete. First, make sure you have your wine glass cozy. Yes.. I said wine glass cozy. This is what I like to call 'classy trashy'. And they even have funny little quips to give you a chuckle as your sipping on your top grade wine! Oh... how clever they are. And the name is just great... Woozie Wine Koozies. Whaaat? That's just lulz. 

And then something we all need is a proper apparatus for opening said wine bottles (though if you're using a wine cozy, you might have chosen the screw cap or wine-in-a-box varieties). And what better...than a wine bottle opener that has a little boy as the handle, and the corkscrew being his.... Whoa! The hell, man?! This is like some weird-ass ancient Greece, pedo-bear shit! A friend sent me this one via text and I, literally, said What the...?! Man...brings a whole new meaning to the term corkscrew. Double Lulz...

So there we have it folks...another edition come and gone. Hopefully you got some laughs, and decide that it's worthy of passing on to your friends and loved ones. Even if you didn't get any laughs, I did, so it was totally worth it. Yeah...that's right! I don't NEED you! D:< Pssht...  Just messin'. Well, sorta. Anyway, my friends, I must depart for now. Until next time, wait patiently, on baited breath for my return. ; D

Time for secret ninja stuff. 

WTF: San Francisco Edition. And you KNOW THIS, man!

Hello my adoring public...I have decided to once again return and grace you with my presence.What...what did you just say to me? Don't you give me that look! I'll turn this blog right around,mister/miss/whatever! I won't put up with such insolence! I'll...I'll...Ah foog it...just read.

So about a week ago, my BFF and I took a day trip to San Francisco. She was up from L.A. and we wanted to make the most of it. It's only a couple hours away from our hometown, so we took a ride over to The City. As always, The City provided a vast array of picture opportunities, but of course, some provided more of a WTF vibe than others. Being that I came across a number of these, I decided that it was time for WTF blog: San Francisco Edition. We spent most of our time on Haight, and now my story of our adventure begins... (Note: The first word of each paragraph links to a full size version of that picture.)

First up was a random picture I saw when looking in a store window. It's not horribly abnormal or strange, but well... it kind of caught me off guard. You see, normally, I'm quite the fan of pandas, especially the cartoony variety. But this guy...he kinda scared me. He looks all spun out and ravenous. And those teeth... They eat bamboo! They're not supposed to have jagged-ass, scary shark teeth! It's just wrong, man.

Next on the list was a sign I spied at the Ben & Jerry's at the Haight-Ashbury corner. When I first saw it, I chuckled because it kinda of looked like they were saying 'Handicapped and babies GET OUT!' I had to take a picture

because even the very idea that there would be such a sign that might suggest such a thing made me laugh. Of course, it was actually a sign signifying that there was another entrance to the store on the other side that were handicap and stroller accessible. Then again, they put that in itttty bitty print that you had to walk straight up to the sign to even barely read. So, I'm kind of thinking that there was just a small margin of hope that people would think it meant GTFO ROLLIES! If it was, that would be pretty jacked up. But someone might, y'know? Just sayin'.

Third on the ticket was something that made me giggle a little. These colorful little pops are quintessential San Francisco. Bright, shiny, and full of counter-culture reference. It's not the pops themselves that made me WTF.. it was the little informatory statement in parenthesis that made me laugh. "NO, NOT LSD!" What's funny is, you know a bunch of people had to of asked if they were LSD pops in order for them to even bother putting that on there. Yeah... cuz they totally sell hardcore hallucinogens in gifts shops. Then again.. it is San Francisco, and we were on Haight.

And last but certainly not list is Mr. San Francisco himself... old ass hippie man dressed from head to toe in tye-dye.

This was just too fantastic to pass up. We had stopped at a Mc D's for something to drink, and this guy was a fellow patron. That was right along side the spun-out punker that asked me to buy him a hamburger. And then there was the fabulicious, gender ambiguous being that was dressed like the bastard child of the Let's Get Physical (Olivia Newton John) and Bad (Michael Jackson) videos. Man...he was fantabulocity defined. I saw sad I couldn't get his picture. But Old-ass Hippieman will certainly do.

So, it was a good day, and we had some fun. Thanks again BFF for the much needed day out, and the great opportunity for blog material. Oh, and that knobby-kneed drag queen in Union Square... I hope we see her again so we can tell her how lovely she is. Anyway kiddos, I'm f*ckin' out. Totally time for secret ninja stuff.

Wait wait... I had to share one last thing... I took a picture of the Haight-Ashbury sign for kicks, but got this girl's face in the picture. It totally looks all weird and creepy. She looks a lil...special. Anyway, I have to share, cuz I was like WTF is up with HER?

Honey, I'm hoooooooooooome!

So....I'm back. It's been awhile... like... 7 month long while. You totally missed me, didn't you? It's okay to admit it...I can see the tears of joy welling in your eyes upon seeing that I have returned. What? You missed the blog and not me? Pssht- bleep you mothableeper! Kidding! Well..maybe... anyway, just read the stinkin' blog. -__-

So first up is a lovely little hair product that just screams BUY ME! But did I? No... Why? Because it's called Moco de Gorilla...properly translated.. Gorilla Snot. Okay so I've seen/heard of shampoo made with horse placenta...soap made from donkey's milk... and there are a variety of products that use various animal parts/excretions. But none made me go 'ewww' like this one. Granted, it's not really made from the snot of a gorilla..bt the very notion makes me a little queasy. I mean...so like...the point of the name is that it promotes that it's so tough and works so well that it's just like gorilla snot? First of all, I don't want to know how they know just how well gorilla snot works as hair gel, and secondly, I'm just not sold. My question still is...WHYYYY? Anyway...Moving on...

This is a great example of what kind of example modern society's usage of technology sets for the youth of today. It's like they were just waiting for me to find this so I could post it here.

Seriously... Babie with webcam in her boobs? Well that's just fantastic. For just under 50 dollars, little girls everywhere can learn how to be a cam whore, and have fun with it too! But well, to be fair they did put a 6+ age suggestion. We don't want them starting in kindergarten, after all. I mean, really... 6 is totally the right age to start camming it up online. I still snicker every time i see this picture solely because the camera is in her boobs and there's a huge arrow pointing at it. This is like one of those joke products from a commercial skit on SNL. Kinda sad, but totally lulz.

BARBIE BOOB CAM! Man...

And last but not certainly least, the pièce de résistance for this entry... I was walking out of CVS one evening, and caught a glimpse of this bike sitting in the bike rack. The owner was no where to be found, so I took the opportunity to snap a picture of this lovely display of human behavior.

The owner of the bike decided that the water bottle holder on his bike was perfect for a 32 oz bottle of Heineken. Oh, but wait! Why waste space?! There's a baby seat too... BAM..a place for two more bottles of beer. Classic. I laughed a whole lot at this, and sent it to a few people. My favorite response was 'Wow. Daddy AND baby really know how to party." I only hope that the baby wasn't actually with him and made to hold the beer bottles during the ride home. Gotta love American culture!

(Click here to see the full size picture.)

So, for now, my lovelies, I must depart. But fear not, for I shall return soon. I know, I know...you're thinking 'you said that before!' Well... technically, I did come back...just not for a long time. However, I do intend to post again soon. When? I won't tell you that, me being a ninja and all. Never know when I'll strike! *fierceness* So be patient, and try not to cry too much. And if you don't like my non-committal answer, tough! ;D

For now, I'm out. Time for secret ninja stuff.

Oh...its been so very long...

-Ahem- So...some time ago I said I was going to do more frequent entries...try to update the blog on a more regular basis... obviously, I lied. Well, not so much lied as 1) Sort of ran out of material and 2) pure laziness. Yes, I admit it. Got a problem?! Oh well. I'm too apathetic to start an argument. But yeah, here's your damn entry... Are you happy now?! WELL YOU SHOULD BE...cuz I wrote a new blog! : D

Annnnnnnyway...moving on, it's time to get to the good part. :3

So first up to bat is something most of us have seen before...nipple concealers. Nothing new, perfectly functional, but funny nevertheless. What really brought on the WTF with this item

was the description at the bottom... "Magical Solution Breast Petals". I had to laugh... breast petals? Why not just call them what they are? Nipple covers. Maybe that sounds a little vulgar, but seriously, breast petals? And I like how it says "Easy to put on...Easier to take off."

I can almost hear the suggestive tone of the token cartoony 80's 'glamor girl' on the package.

And the actual model looks strangely reminiscent of a shot of a girl on one of those 'barely legal' porn sites. Scary. So yeah... if you have trouble concealing your nipples, get yourself some breast petals...they're the magical solution. Yeah...

Annnnd next on my list... a toothpick holder/olive plate done in the style of a voodoo doll. Hm... this disturbed me on SO many levels. Now, I've seen an array of products that are similar in nature... like Mr. Ouch, the voodoo doll toothpick holder, and The Ex knife set.

(See how I provided those links there? Tha

t was totally slick.) Anyway, so yeah, both of these products are humorous in nature, and definitely have their own WTF qualifications.

However... just something about a voodoo doll toothpick holder AND olive plate... that was just a little much for me. It's kinda like... you're at a gathering, there's a food spread, and you think 'Hmm I think I'd like an olive." So you go to reach for an olive, and... low and behold... a voodoo doll holder...thing... say whaaaaaat? I dunno. I suppose all of these products are equally odd and humorous, but, the olive tray/toothpick holder combo really set the bar for me. I mean, this thing looks like something that would be sitting around at a dinner party with the Addams family. Lovely. (I really do think it's lovely, and I kind of want one.)

And last, but certainly not least, is another installment in Dollar Store Finds. Have you ever wondered what would happen if a gorilla and a sheep mated? No? Me either. And you know why? No one should...EVER. Yet, it seems that someone did. It's like cross-breeding gone horribly wrong, and the result is this strange, strange toy. I mean, okay...its the dollar store. But in what world (or mind) does a gorilla have the body of a sheep? Apparently in the world of whatever weird-ass designed this toy. For realllls man... wow. I think J. said it best with the line "And here we have the newest resident on the Island of Misfit Toys." Oh yeah...definitely. I think even Santa would leave that poor fucker behind. Man oh man.

So there we have it, another entry of the WTFblog. I hope you were throughly amused, and if you weren't...oh well. I was, and that's pretty much the whole point of me bothering to do this. :D

Aight peoples. Secret ninja stuff time.

Alright... it's been a couple months. I've been asked by a few people when I was going to post a new blog, so yeah, I'm doing it now. I could explain my abscense...but... I won't. How about that? Take it! Yeah! -ahem- Anyway, yeah so on to blog entry. >_>

First on the list is something I came across while walking through the drugstore. Now, okay... to be 'fair' I have heard of some pretty odd things that are used as beauty treatments, so I'm not completely surprised to see a box in the beauty section that says "Snail Extract". Not completely surprised...but I still think it's weird. What really gets me about this product is the presentation of it. There's a snail on the box! How is that supposed to entice me to use the product?! I mean... it's a fucking snail! What...are they trying to be like "Yeah, it's made from snail juice. We're serious. Look at this snail." WTF is right. I'm just like, dude, why the snail? Not that I'd want to use it if the snail wasn't there, but still. The hell? The only thing I think when I see that is "Ew...gross!" Yeah, enough said.


So next is a contribution from my friend Rae, who came across this on a recent trip to So Cal. The attempt is pun-ny with a slight innuendo to top it off. Cute. Eat more kitty... hehe....NO. -sigh- Here's the deal. They're being all funny with their sign, trying to get people to eat at their establishment more frequently, but the first thing that comes to mind is the consumption of felines (other than the obvious inuendo they're putting into play). I don't want to eat cats. Infact, I'll remember to never introduce you to my cat. They're just propogating a stereotype. A fucked up stereotype! And aside from that, the secondary offense comes from the fact that they're trying to use that tired-ass inuendo in an attempt to be original. The food might be good, but I can't say I'm down with their advertising. Lame-o.

Last but certainly not least is this extremely bizaare, oh so wrong confection I spied in the store just earlier today. Reindeer Licks! The only pop that licks you back! Um.... it's a giant candy tongue comming out of a plastic reindeer head tube thing. So like... are you supposed to suck on the tongue? The oddly long, bright red tongue of a perplexed/psychotic looking reindeer? o_o Maybe its just me, but there is so much wrong with that. With push-up pop action! And protective plastic cone! it boasts. Whoa... Man.. I can't even, like, process this. I showed this picture to a couple of people and they were speechless. One response was described as 'a gamut of emotions and none of them is good.' Wow... wow. At the same time, I'm insanely amused... but more disturbed. Maybe equally both. All the same... I couldn't leave this out. It was way, way too perfect and the exact inspiration I needed to get me to write a new entry. So yeah... wow. I think I'm gonna pass on sucking on a reindeer's tongue, candy or not.

Well, I don't have anything else to say for now. I'll write something again soon...maybe. No promises. If I promise something, then you might expect me to live up to it, and I might disappoint you. So...uh...yeah. Back to my secret ninja stuff. -out-

Did you miss me? No? Well foog you! Read, dammit.

So... I said that there wouldn't be so much time between blog posts from now on. Well... I lied. But I admit to it, so you can't chastise me for it. So...HA! IN YOUR FACE! BOOYAH! -ahem- I mean.. uh... yeah, so I started a new job, and went back to school, so things have been kind of busy. Okay, so really busy...as in I have virtually no free time and .... anyway, nevermind, I'm posting now, so that's what matters, right? Right.


Okay, so here we go. My first sample tonight is actually an update of a previous post. If you've read this blog before (or have used the Facebook gift application) you're familiar with the "Hillbilly Drive-Thru". I had taken that picture last semester, and hadn't been to that Mc Donald's again since then. Now mind you, this is six months later, so you'd figure that they might've fixed it by now, right? Well, I'd think so at least. And they did...sort of. They upgraded from cardboard to cinderblocks. Okay so... I know that times are hard, and businesses are failing left and right... but...cinderblocks? Now THAT is classy. So...so... classy. Really, I have to thank them because it gives me and anyone who reads this something to laugh about. Only in Oroville. And if you live anywhere near Oroville, I suggest you take a gander at the Hillbilly Drive-Thru Deluxe.


Moving on, the next tidbit comes from a page in a catalog my mother recieved in the mail. It was one of those general product catalogs with everything from kitschy home decor (you know, a cookie jar shaped like a rooster, a deer antler hat rack), to sex toys (yeah, sex toys). I was flipping through the pages, slightly amused at some of the content, and the variety there of, when I came across something that about had me doubled-over. It was an exercize 'machine' for your neck... to lessen neck fat and tone neck muscles, concentrating under the chin area. Uh... what? Hm... I ... I don't get it. I mean, okay I get what its meant to do.. and I even saw a video clip online of women putting this thing under their chin and bobbing their heads up and down like a hooker on crack, but still....why? Okay, so you don't want a fat neck... I guess that's understandable? But... what...the....hell? Now, as you see from the screen cap this thing looks more like a sex toy than some sex toys! And it has all these springy things and an instructional video! How can it be that complicated?! Apparently, it is. They claim it works, but I think I'll just stick to not turning myself into a bobble-head for the sake of neck slimness.

And on to my last little bit of WTF sunshine. This product both amused and disturbed me when I first became aware of it's existence. When someone first mentioned it, I didn't believe them. In fact I thought they were joking. But no...they weren't These really exist... and you can get them in either pink or blue, for any size dog, two for the price of one! : D What? No! I refuse to put my pet in this ridiculous blanket with arms thing! The little video they have on the website shows the demonstrators struggling to put dogs in sweaters, talking about the difficulty of said task. Are you tired of shoving your pets legs through four different, hard to reach holes? No.. I'm not..because i don't put clothes on my dog! I know some people do to keep their pets warm.. granted, if you live in a climate where it snows, you might want to give your pet an extra layer. I would, but I guess some people might prefer to. But Snuggies...for dogs?! Stop this madness! I mean, the Snuggies for people were bad enough...looking like the uniform for a new spawing of the Heaven's Gate cult... but now Fido can join you in your quest to the great beyond! GAH! Don't drink the kool-aid, Rover. And run away from the Snuggies. Better yet, take a big dump it and leave it on your owner's pillow. Yeah.

Anyway, that's all I have to say about that. (Box of chocolate? Sure.) I'm done ranting about all the WTF bullshit, and I'm tired of typing. So.... now its time for.... you got it, secret ninja stuff. I'm out. Peace ya'll.

Bringing you a NEW, IMPROVED WTF BLOG... not really. It's the same blog, but should read it anyway. -nodnod-

So... yeah. I'm back. It's been a few since my last post, but that's what happens when real life gets in the way of web antics. Blogs are posted late, emails go unread, and Facebook requests go unaccepted (or unignored). And then the world slowly dies, leaving everything and everyone to suffer a long, horrible, and painful death. Damn that real life. But really, yeah, none of that happens. Anyway, I've bored myself into disinterest so I'm going to start the new entry. And away we go...

First on the chopping block is a lovely little handwoven accesory that is sure to match any outfit and/or linoleum flooring. I walked by this purse and had to turn around and look again. I was thinking... is that.... is that purse made like those rugs...? Yeah... they are....like the ones in our kitchen and bathroom. You know... those braided rugs that you can buy at the dollar store? I think everyone has seen those in the house of some relative over the years. What's next? I know...Chip Clips...for your hair! Or pot holder bikinis. Imagine that 4-H project.... >_> But yeah, I didn't get this design at all. Then again, this was in the dollar store, so go figure. Yeah.


Next on the docket is yet another dollar store find. I couldn't resist this one when I saw it. Not to buy, but rather to take a picture of for the purpose of posting it in this blog. Anyway, Cocoa Drops.... what a clever name... considering they actually do look like rabbit droppings. I mean, so do Cocoa Puffs but.... they made the point of not calling them Cocoa Drops, as they probably realized that it might be a severe marketing error to do so. Personally, I'm not inclined to eat cereal that not only looks like animal droppings, but is named in such a way that it reminds me of what it resembles. And the slogan on the front makes me laugh... "Keep it simple! Pay only for taste!" Just exactly what is that supposed to mean? How are Cocoa Drops are any more simple than Cocoa Puffs? Or maybe they mean, don't question what's in it, just so long as it tastes good. It's made out of pig innards and sawdust, but hell, keep it simple! It tastes like sweet cocoa-y goodness, so who gives a shit what's in it, right? Right. Ugh... dude, no way. I'll just stick to staying away from cereal that looks like rabbit poo.

The last sample for this entry is a submission from a reader. He had sent this picture to my cell phone some time ago, but I'd lost it, as it was saved on my old cell phone and not my current cell phone. Anyway, he sent it to me again, and I decided to include it this time around. As you have probably already figured out, this is the warning label on the side of a hot water heater. What I really love about this label is the stickman engulfed in flames. Like the packing tape warning on the side of the moving van, this label might moreso give someone idea rather than detering them from dangerous situations. I like how they labeled the gas vapors, and showed just how one might ignite those flammable vapors, thus causing someone to be engulfed in flames. And really the DANGER sign is a little understated, and ends up being far outshadowed by the picture below. But yeah, you know, whatever. I can't complain too much, seeing as they gave me good material for my blog.

Alright well, that's it for now. It's about time for me to mosey on out and tend to other matters. You know, secret ninja stuff. What secret ninja stuff? I can't tell you that! I mean.. jeez. It's not called secret ninja stuff for nothing. Sheesh. Aight, I'm out.